Vietnam, One Last City, But an Honest Exposé First

I appreciate all of your patience waiting for the next blog post! I have been so busy with day tours and ran into a data issue for a moment, but I am now on a less packed leg of my trip, meaning I have the time to share about my last stop in Vietnam, Hanoi. I've also undergone a big transition in my trip, beginning traveling alone, and that took some time to process and get attuned to how my trip might look now and just how much more unknown there will be.

Before I begin to write about my crazy busy last five days, I want to be open about how I have been feeling and all of the thoughts I have been processing. I started writing a digital journal last year because I had so many emotions swirling in my head that I needed to put to paper. Writing was time consuming for what I needed to say, and so I resorted to typing which was the birth of my online journal, and the source of this blog. 

Izzy left two nights ago. I knew this day was coming. I’ve known for so long that she would eventually leave me, yet I gave myself no time or space to think about that beforehand because I was so excited to travel with her and to travel this area. I didn’t think ahead of how to cope with it, to cope with the fact that I will be spearheading the rest of this journey alone. Now, as I am forced to think in depth about that, and it is paralyzing me in fear. Alone, in Southeast Asia, an area so unfamiliar to me and so far from home and anyone I know. And, to say goodbye to one of my best friends that has been by my side not only since high school, but truly was one of the closest friends in college, and the person that I just traveled three weeks straight with, spending every hour of every day together. That’s a bond if I’ve ever heard of one. Saying goodbye to her was heartbreaking, watching her hop in the cab as she begins her journey back to the states, back to Lakeville, to the comfort of her home, while I return to our hotel room in Hanoi, humid as the AC cannot keep up with the heat, in an area jammed packed and crowded and the smog filling the sky. I wasn’t exactly starting my solo journey in paradise, I am beginning it in the same, slightly murky city I didn’t necessarily love. 

Hanoi was a great city for the fact that it was the center point for many amazing adventures that we went on while here. We got to do a day trip to Ninh Binh, which you will soon see, was like transporting ourselves to a new world. We also got to relish in the beauty and amazingness of Ha Long Bay. Both trips were made possible by staying in this city. But the city of Hanoi itself, it is large and truly the metropolis of the North. I don’t know why I thought this would be a small quaint city like Hoi An, when it is actually quite the opposite. So departing from this huge, not vacation-like destination not only threw off Izzy as she left (as she was hoping to say goodbye to a paradise similar to how we both said hello to Koh Samui) but it also threw me off because now I was left alone in a place I didn’t really want to venture alone in, and for certain no paradise I could continuing relaxing in. 

I was wrought with emotions, to add fuel to the fire, I was so tired from our 5am wake up call on the boat cruise, and the accumulation of our long days and early mornings, the minute she left and the elevator ride up, I was flooded with fear and frightened about the journey I have ahead. I was so sad to say goodbye to my best friend and so nervous for the unknown that comes with traveling solo and the fear that I will be alone for too long.

A common saying is "it is not the place that makes the memories, but the people." Wow, did I have good company the first leg of my trip and knowing that I might not get to travel like that again for the rest of my trip was a painful to imagine. I know and I hope I will be ok. I have to remind myself daily of all I have to be grateful for and the luck I have to even be here in the first place. But in the moment, my emotions overrode my rational mind, and I was sent into a stir. 

Having people in your life is the key to happiness. I had my mom there to help talk me through my initial emotions of what it meant for Izzy to leave me and to be on my own. She listened to my fears and comforted me in my sadness, and she offered her sweet advice and words of encouragement. That already helped, and once I said goodbye to her I went to bed knowing that a good night's sleep will cure a lot of the high emotions I was feeling. To have people in your life you know that you can rely on and go to in times of need is crucial, I am so blessed to not only call those people in my life family, but to also have friends that do the same.

In the morning, I thankfully felt better. I was sad to wake up alone, to have no one to talk to and get ready for the day with. I gladly saved my packing until this morning because it gave me something to do, a task to put my mind towards instead of spiraling in my thoughts. I packed up, got on my airport outfit, and finished getting ready in the bathroom when I got a good morning text from my mom. She was with my grandparents and I got to facetime them for over an hour, telling them about my journeys, my fears and feelings, and also hear about the life back home I was missing out on. It was so heartwarming to see them, hear from them, and give me the company I so desperately needed. They stayed up way later than they would have to talk to me, a sacrifice they so kindly made for my needs. I love my family, and their support is why I am the person and at the places I'm at. 

I had happily saved a bit of the nutella that Izzy and I downed the prior few days for our breakfast and I had some soft bread with the spread on top. It was a sweet treat and perfect size breakfast to tie me over before getting a large brunch before heading to the airport. I ended my call with my family, headed to a coffee shop to get some energy juice in me, and then also ordered my meal to fill me up for my travel day today. I was already feeling loads better, knowing that I just needed to get out of this city, flip the page and start fresh.

It was officially the beginning of leg 2, I needed to mentally mark that in my mind and switch over my mode of travel. I will forever treasure my time with Izzy, I will certainly think of Vietnam as our trip together, so I am ready to start a new journey, one that is meant for me to do solo, and I need to develop my mindset of gratitude and my habit of friendship forming to fuel me for the rest of this trip. Leg 2, although I was hesitant at first to begin it, I am ready to see what is in store for me to see, experience, enjoy, learn, and grow.

I wanted to be open and honest with you, I had a truly amazing time on my travels so far, but this was a moment I couldn't lie, I didn't want to hide, and I wanted to be transparent and share that traveling is not always as pretty and perfect as it might appear. In the midst of beauty I struggled, I doubted myself and my trip. It's even crazier that for a few moments I was jealous of Izzy going home, when I know so many people are probably reading my stories and looking at my pictures wishing they could be there alongside me. There's so much more than meets the eye, and I wanted to share a true experience with you, not just the roses and daisies. Onto the next we go, and thank you for coming along with me. But first, Hanoi tales and photos.